Let’s talk about something that’s been gnawing at me for years. When did it become acceptable for department stores to start selling Christmas trees, decorations, and assorted paraphernalia in August?!

I usually start an article like this with a good pun, and I had planned to go with, ‘The 12 days of Christmas … more like the 12 weeks of Christmas!’ but that doesn’t begin to capture what’s happening in stores across Australia.

This year, the visual merchandisers ‘released Christmas’ in the final week of August – a full 18 weeks before Christmas Day. That means Australian department stores celebrate, or at least promote, Christmas for a third of the year.

This points to a deeper cultural malaise, where the relentless pursuit of profit destroys everything sacred and meaningful. I could wax lyrical about the futility of trying to milk every last cent from an already dry cash cow, i.e., Australia’s working and middle classes, but that won’t ease the daily sensory assault we all endure at the hands of exploitative commercialism.

The sheer, brazen tackiness of it all riles me up. And yet, this shameless act is met with the famous ‘Great Australian Apathy’. Judging by the comments from some within my family, most Aussies either don’t care or don’t see the problem.

A typical response is, ‘Christmas is such a wonderful time, and people are so stressed these days. It’s nice the stores bring that joy into the world a little earlier.’

First, for many people, Christmas is lonely and difficult. Suicides spike during this time of year in Australia. Second, these companies aren’t bringing joy; they’re exploiting our emotions to sell us Christmas trinkets we don’t need.

It’s astonishing that some people still believe corporations and governments do ‘nice things’ for us. There’s also something deeply unsettling about being told to feel happy. It feels forced, and that’s very different from generating genuine happiness via intrinsic means.

We all had that one eccentric neighbour growing up who left their Christmas decorations and lights up year-round. Now, David Jones and Myer are those neighbours. They’re putting up Christmas decorations before Spring even gets a chance to … well, spring.

And here’s another sinister aspect: Christmas is linked to New Year’s Eve. When we see Christmas decorations, we subconsciously absorb the message that the year is nearly over. That message can cue an existential panic for people like me: Another year over, and what have I achieved? It’s absurd, given we still have four months to go, but that panic reflex is automatic and retailers know it.

Another distasteful development is the rise of annual ‘colours and fashions’ for Christmas trees and decorations. This has to be one of the most offensive developments in the so-called ‘evolving nature of Christmas’. Influencers driving Teslas while hashtagging #FightForClimateAction casually say, ‘Wasn’t blue the colour of Christmas last year?’

The pressure to create the perfect Christmas, worthy of likes and shares, is tragic and wasteful. I want to vomit when I see ads filled with plastic people, fake smiles, and outfits coordinated with their trees, decorations, and table settings. Yet so many people still aspire to these contrived lifestyle images.

In researching this article, I spoke with a representative from a trendy Scandinavian brand. She proudly bragged about a client who spends over $20,000 annually on the latest Christmas decorations.

When I asked what happened to the previous year’s decorations, I was met with a blank stare. The sales commission had blinded the representative to the absurdity of such extravagance, particularly when so many Australians are struggling to put food on the table.

Christmas isn’t the only holiday hijacked by tacky consumerism. Hot Cross Buns appear on supermarket shelves on December 27, with Easter Eggs arriving the following week.

In recent years, Australian retailers have forced two more holiday events down our throats. Halloween is now pervasive in Australia, particularly amongst the middle class. At the same time, America’s Black Friday has become the biggest shopping day of the year, even though it has no cultural relevance here.

When questioned about the extended festive season, retailers claim they’re responding to consumer demand. That’s a blatant lie. In reality, brick-and-mortar stores continue to struggle as their monopolies crumble under the pressure of online shopping.

These stores belong to a bygone era and have gradually stripped away the grandeur and elegance that once defined them. The run-down behemoths mainly serve as havens for ‘Karens’ seeking to validate their empty lives. They enjoy nothing more than berating overworked, underpaid staff while purchasing a pink Champion hoodie at 70 per cent off the reduced price.

Christmas (incorporating the Black Friday and Boxing Day sales) continues to create foot traffic and thus remains the most significant revenue driver for these businesses. It makes sense to see the profit season – excuse me – festive season stretched out for as long as possible.

At what cost? This blatant money grab strips the magic and meaning of what was once one of the most joyful times of the year. At this rate, we will soon see advent calendars starting on December 26.

Finally, let us remember that Christmas is a religious holiday. The word ‘Christmas’ translates to the ‘The Mass of Christ’. I say this sarcastically, as many Australians, like much of the Western world, have lost this connection.

The decline in religious influence isn’t accidental; you can bet you won’t find any trace of these religious roots in Australian stores today. This shift has also played a role in the sneaky transition from the twelve days of Christmas – a much more manageable time frame – to the current four-month marathon.

For many, myself included, the relief of knowing Christmas is finally over far outweighs any enjoyment of the holiday itself. After months of hearing Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas on repeat, who wouldn’t feel the same?

I could explore how this relentless promotional calendar is financially breaking people, socially ostracising the working class and poor, while depleting our dopamine reserves. But those issues deserve much more attention than I can commit here.

My argument is simple: by stretching the Christmas season to four months, retailers have dilated this holiday to the point where it leaves consumers exhausted and eager to escape the endless merry-go-round of artificial holiday cheer.

Even though I was kicked out of Sunday School at seven for asking too many questions, I understand Christmas is about family, charity, generosity, and kindness, especially toward those less fortunate. These are the aspects of Christmas I’d be happy to celebrate year-round. Despite what Wizzard claimed in 1973, no one really wishes it could be Christmas every day, and we certainly never wanted Christmas to arrive in August! Oh, and Ho Hum Bug!