by PAUL COLLITS – THE old Queensland tourism pitch needs to be updated to “Labor tyranny one day, squishy Liberal the next”.
Queensland Labor was appalling on every level. And because there is no upper house north of the Tweed, governments can act almost as a one-Party-State. Just look at the Joh Bjelke-Petersen era of yore.
- So, what should we expect of the Qld LNP? Probably not much.
- The polity itself is, to borrow from Richo, a load of crap.
- Service to voters and “public service” are fictional these days.
Before the LNP existed, there were warring conservative tribes. At least they all were pretty conservative, in some senses of that term.
Joh, of course, put the “mal” into electoral malapportionment, and, in so doing, all but destroyed the Liberal Party for a generation.
WORTHY
Since Joh and his two Nat successors of the 80s left the building, the now LNP has been in office for just five years of the past 35. Like the Vic Libs, if they were a stock, you wouldn’t buy them.
Since those days, there have been only three worthy Queensland politicians. Wayne Goss was a technocrat rather than a politician, and certainly did good things. The Nick Greiner of the Labor Party.
On the downside, he made Kevin Rudd a senior public servant. Ouch. And, like Greiner, he fell for the new public management (NPM) tosh of bureaucrats like Gary Sturgess.
Thanks to NPM, we now have mediocrities running government agencies on gazillions of bucks a year. That was down to Greiner, mainly.
Rob Borbidge was pretty good, too, certainly inoffensive, back in the late 1990s. He didn’t last, though.
The other politician who had a few things going for him was Lawrence Springborg. The Borg.
He was constrained by the quality of his peers and the fact that he was a country-based Nat in an urbanised State.
What of the others? The Unspellable one (aka Annastacia) was right up there with the worst of the COVID class premiers. A fully paid-up member of the evil “cult of compliance”.
Infamously, Annastacia refused to treat sick children from NSW during her ill-considered and brutal border closures and lockdowns. She said Queensland hospitals were for Queenslanders.
Parochial one day, vicious the next. Next level, State of Origin hatred.
Children were not allowed to visit dying fathers across the State line. Thousands of people were forced to camp in places like Byron Bay, waiting months for the border to re-open, at great cost.
We can go back a bit, in talking about banana bender pollies.
Who can forget the regrettable Jacki Trad?
Further back in time, Peter Beattie was a bit of a political weirdo. He memorably once campaigned in an election against his own Government. And won!
That is how inconsequential the struggling, utterly faction-bound Liberals and declining Nats have been over three decades.
PRINCESS
Then we had the flood princess Anna Bligh, who left politics and her then husband – Greg Withers, inevitably a senior Queensland public servant – to head off to the banking industry, Sydney real estate and new partners.
As reported: “Anna Bligh, the chief of the Australian Banking Association, has bought in Mosman. The $3.7m purchase was the ornate 1870s trophy home, St Giles, which last traded for $2.08m in 2011 when bought by the Field family. It was built for North Shore mayor and theatre manager pioneer William Dind.”
Then we had the hyperactive Can-Do Campbell (Newman), who after one divisive term, couldn’t do. Newman, too, these days is reduced to being a political “media personality” and serial Right-of-centre conference attendee.
Speaking of media personalities…
The legendary Richo (Graham Richardson) made his mark on Sky News’ coverage of the 2024 Queensland election by describing the outgoing and truly forgettable Premier’s “concession” speech – in which there was no concession – as graceless and a “load of crap”.
The others on the panel thought it weird. The term “boofhead” was also mentioned.
Tweeters summed it up succinctly: “The giggly buffoon Steven Miles didn’t deliver a concession speech – he simply told everyone how good he was and how bad David Crisafulli is.”
“What a disgrace of a human. Refused to concede Labor loss even when the ABC gave LNP the win. Then Mr Miles refused to congratulate David Crisafulli when he knew he lost.”
“Here is the real Steven Miles. Narcissistic, devoid of class and grace. You were fooled. Thank god it’s over,” another wrote.
Hopefully it will be a bad month for inveterate gigglers. There is one stateside, I believe, running for high office. As always, the online commenters win the cigar.
Richo, a Labor machine man and political thug with a good serving of front-bar banter on the side, is from another age when grace meant something to a politician.
ATTACK
There are still a few around. Tony Abbott was one, though those who remember his attack dog phase in the Parliament might disagree.
The American former Democrat, Tulsi Gabbard, is another.
Back when I was working in the old “wedding cake” – yes, I once worked for a Queensland Liberal, more years ago than I care to remember – the late Jim Carlton was yet another with grace in his DNA. There were far more, back in the day.
But nostalgia and fond reminiscences don’t do anyone much good these days. Grace in politics is a busted flush. Now there is merely corruption, in its biggest sense, sleaze, newspeak, broken promises and lies by the bucket-load.
The polity itself is, to borrow from Richo, a load of crap. Service to voters and “public service”, as Gabbard often refers to these principled objectives, are fictional these days.
So, what should we expect of the LNP? Probably not much. The new bloke’s main contribution to date, as well as (just) seeing off a dreadful government on the nose – Labor received 32 per cent of the first preference vote – has been to seek to scupper Peter Dutton’s nuclear energy strategy in his (and Dutton’s) own State.
David Crusafulli said Queenslanders had voted for “hope over fear”. Whatever that means.
He is described as a “moderate”. Never, ever a good sign. It normally connotes Libs sucking up to progressives who will never, ever vote for them.
Here are a few things the new Premier should do, but won’t:
- Apologise for any support the LNP provided to Annastacia during the Covid disasters;
- Sack the COVID criminal Queensland Governor, Jeanette Young, forthwith;
- Reverse Queensland Health’s continued pay docking of unvaccinated health workers, and provide an apology and backpay;
- Issue the same apology and backpay to Queensland teachers similarly discriminated against;
- Conduct a proper inquiry into Covid management by the previous Queensland Government.
Whatever.
Hopefully the new guy will fix up the embarrassing goat track that is the Bruce Highway, of which, sadly, I now have more experience than I would have wished.
The massive spend, including by Newman, on Brisbane tunnels and motorways, has left little dosh for decayed regional infrastructure.
Rural hospitals are an embarrassing joke, as I can personally attest.
The previous Government wanted to pull down the Gabba and build a new one. A bit like Gladys did with Allianz Stadium in Sydney.
It is as if we can afford this fiscal incontinence if fixing things that don’t need fixing.
There is one sign of hope, however: “Queensland’s LNP leader David Crisafulli says plan to end coal energy by early 2030s is ‘fanciful’.”
Fanciful is putting it very politely. Try lunatic, traitorous and madness. The proof, as always, will be in the eating. Just stop the rot, mate.
You don’t even have to prove yourself to be a “conservative”. Just be sane. And remember service and representation. It is all pretty simple, really.
The Libs up north haven’t exhibited much connect with the emerging populist moment and the increasing presence of outsider thinking.
Outsider thinking that, alas, failed to convert to meaningful votes in the election. One Nation pulled fewer votes than the Greens, at 7.8 per cent. Family First received 1.7 per cent. Woeful.
Katter collected 2.6 per cent. Ordinary at best. The Libertarian Party, aka the Liberal Democrats scraped together a humiliating 0.13 per cent. The problems for the outsider class have not gone anywhere.
A final thought.
Queensland politicians really do have unusual names. Jarryd Bleijie is Crisafulli’s deputy.
After the Unspellable Premier, now the professional political scribbler has to remember the spelling of these guys’ names. Weird political names one day, weirder political names the next…
Let’s hope that the next regime itself won’t turn out to be another load of crap. With apologies to Richo.PC
Dislike the Labor govt I did. But LNP gave me no reason to vote for them. Why do Aussies keep voting for the major parties when they clearly don’t care about us? I guess the insane Greens can get double digits, but that is hardly encouraging. I feel Australians know our pollies are mediocre, hopeless and egotistical, and I also feel Australians are catching on that Covid was an egregious stitch-up (that noone in government or media have been held accountable for). But what to do for sensible people in Australia? Who can we vote for? I’m a member of One Nation but we can’t get enough votes to make much of an impact. Oh just to be left alone by the hectoring incompetents in high places. Wouldn’t that be something.
The KAP has claimed three seats, but the overall no-show of the smaller parties in the Queensland election is a worry.
Is the idea that everyone can go back to being Labor or Liberal now that covid’s behind us? Dangerous thinking.
I certainly do agree. I regret the lack of support for some of the smaller parties. I also fear the political duopoly.
I expect absolutely nothing of intellectual import from this disheartening bunch of dimwits. Certainly forget about the culture wars and the imperative of tackling the foundations of education in this state. The extremely sad thing is, I am beginning to believe that not only has Queensland embraced ‘crap politicians’, it did so because at its core it actually is an intellectual vacuum.
The Greens remain a very significant force in Qld despite the triumphalism of some. Yes, they lost a seat. On the night it was very evident they retain a king maker role in many electorates. They and teal-like candidates are very likely to be a force in the ‘2023’ election.
Crisafulli may make the same mistake Morrison and even Abbott made, pandering to those who will never vote for them. The NSW Liberal parliamentary party is riven with back sliders.
I quite agree. The LNP is also riven with backsliders – Crisafulli himself is a case to point.