ALTHOUGH the Left has been trounced in the culture wars, its retreat comes with a whole lot of teeth gnashing as they are relegated to history’s dumpster.
Wouldn’t we be so much happier if they skipped their death throes and just faded quietly into an uncomfortable memory?
To help this along I’d like to suggest, in some cases reluctantly, that we pay them off in exchange for their quiet and quick surrender. Five bribes in total and that’s it. They get nothing else and they waive any right to ask for more.
5. THE FLAG
We should consider handing over the Holy Grail, our national flag. (Please pause a minute while I re-compose.)
Leftists are big on symbolism. In their world, being seen to be doing something is far more important (and easier) than actually doing anything.
And while handing over the national flag might be deeply unsettling for many military families and patriots, there is an upside. It would get their destructive hands out of our armed forces and away from the monarchy.
The Left views changing the flag as equal to changing the nation. When in reality it’s just re-arranging shapes and colours.
4. NATIONAL ANTHEM
It’s pretty easy to assume that the National Anthem was originally written by a Leftie. The author, Peter Dodds-McCormick was Scottish and a school teacher, after all. He also had the tell-tale hyphenated name. So changing the anthem to reflect the Left’s changing values might even be appropriate.
The Left didn’t appear to be radical nation-haters in the 1800s when Advance Australia Fair was penned. So the updated 2000s version will probably need to strip out a few “bigoted and racist” phrases: young and free, wealth for toil, Advance Australia and let us all combine come immediately to mind.
But changing the anthem is no big deal. They’ve already run the anthem through the PC grinder a few times already. Remember “Australia’s sons let us rejoice…”? Not any more.
And at least this gift of song will keep their meddling hands off our Constitution.
3. MALCOLM TURNBULL
They want him. He wants them. Enough has been said on this already. [see: Labor should grow up and give Malcolm his membership]
2. TASMANIA
The Left has to live and do-good somewhere. So Tasmania is to be ceded to former Green’s leader Bob Brown and his fellow space travellers.
It’s not such a huge price, I’d suggest. Especially when you consider that mainland inner city types (as well as all Victorians) will have their Australian passports cancelled and be shipped off to the apple island.
They can then spend their days with Green Bob Brown and his space aliens doing all their favourite things. Chaining themselves to Caterpillars, gluing themselves to roadways, donning their pussy hats and chanting their new national anthem; “Hay Hay, Ho Ho…”
1. UNIVERSITIES
The crazies have already captured our universities – but we can easily turn this into a win. Stop fighting back and just retreat. In exchange, they are to leave our primary and secondary kids alone. No more Safe Schools program, no more penis-tucking role-play and no more political indoctrination of our children.
Universities are a lost cause anyway. They largely turn out mediocre people who, at best, get picked for jobs that require mountains of rules to be followed.
These days it’s the non-tertiary educated and drop-outs who are driving innovation and wealth creation. Not the group-think PC set.PC
