Albo: Kwish, you’ve got to do shomething about the shituation in New Shouth Walesh! It’sh getting too dangeroush for deshent people to vishit a hoshpital or even walk the shtweetsh!

Minns: Don’t panic, Albo. This whole Afghani-nurse story is just a beat-up that will blow over if we stick to the script. Then we can return to the familiar and safe situation we’ve had for decades, which is Muslims dominating Bankstown and Lakemba while other, er, ethnic groups give the place a wide berth. There hasn’t been a Jew walk the streets of those suburbs, or visit the hospital, since Solomon Lew opened the halal aisle of the Bankstown Coles in 1995.

Albo: Jewsh? Who caresh about them? I’m talking about me. Have you sheen the latesht pollsh? All this ethnic tension ish a dishashter! I don’t know which shide to shit on. Honeshtly, it’sh getting to the point where the only ethnic festivals I’ll be shafe at are the Ukrainian Foreign Fund-Raishing Feshtival and the Chinese International Peash Party. At leasht the Indians are shtill talking to me, which ish jusht ash well. Have you sheen how many there are in Aushtralia theshe days?

Minns: I have, and they make a wonderful contribution to our tolerant, diverse and vibrant society, which is a model for the world. But there’s nothing stopping you attending Jewish and Muslim events too, Albo. It’s part of your role as the leader of a tolerant, diverse and vibrant society. Just keep them a couple of weeks apart so nobody notices you’re having a bet each way.

Albo: Kwish, you don’t undershtand! It’sh not that I can’t talk to both shides of thish! If I had a dollar for every time the Jewsh and the Mushlimsh called my offish ashking to shpeak to me, I could have bought a cliffshide mansion in Point Piper inshtead of Copacabarnacle. But the problem ish that I jusht don’t know what to tell them!

Minns: Albo, Albo. Stop panicking.

Albo: That’sh eashy for you to shay. You haven’t got an election coming up!

Minns: I wish I did, Albo. I wish I did. This is exactly the topic that helps you cruise through an election. The news organisations are forced to ignore more difficult topics while you play the role of elder statesman and leader of a tolerant, diverse and vibrant society.

Albo: Kwish, even I know that the old “divershity ish our shtwength” schtick ishn’t working any more.

Minns: You’re right, Albo. As usual, mate, your political instincts are fine tuned. There’s been a slight adjustment to the “diversity is our strength” line, as you have so astutely observed.

Albo: That’s right, Kwish. I have.

Minns: So the new message, Albo, is that diversity is both a strength and fragile. We have built this tolerant, diverse and vibrant society to be strong, but for it to be strong it requires leaders like you and me to make it strong.

Albo: Kwish, that ish geniush!

Minns: And the best way to do that is by jailing the people who threaten it.

Albo: Wait, what?

Minns: Again, you are ahead of me, Albo. No wonder you’re the Prime Minister and I’m just a lowly State premier.

Albo: Well, if you wait around long enough, Kwish, you never know what…

Minns: Yes, but the point is that to do this properly you’ve got to jail people. Not just anybody who breaks the law, of course. That would be unfair to minorities. You’ve got jail the right people.