Somewhere in regional Australia, a council worker is staring into a pothole large enough to qualify for its own post code. Down the road, the footy club is raffling meat to fix its leaking roof. The netball girls are changing behind towels, and the public pool has more cracks than water. But fear not. Canberra has $570 million for community infrastructure.
Unfortunately, your community may not be on the guest list.
Welcome to Labor’s Major and Local Community Infrastructure Program, where applications are invitation-only. Think exclusive Sydney nightclub, except taxpayers pay for everyone inside.
And judging by one fortunate beneficiary, it wouldn’t hurt to bring a cavoodle.
Marrickville Golf Club, in Anthony Albanese’s electorate, has been earmarked for a $6.05 million taxpayer-funded makeover. Inner West Mayor Darcy Byrne described its clubhouse to a Senate inquiry as essentially a ‘fibro shack’ dating from 1947. A tragic tale of post-war deprivation.
Except Broadsheet describes a renovated kitchen staffed by fine-dining chefs, a marble-topped service counter, a 100-seat dining room and truffle arancini on the menu.
Apparently hardship persists in Marrickville, especially when the Aperol Spritz runs out.
To be fair, marble countertops don’t cure asbestos. The building may genuinely need repairs. But $6.05 million deserves comparison with competing needs.
At indicative costs, that could fund 34 playgrounds at $175,000 each or four $1.5 million sporting pavilions.
Thirty-four communities with playgrounds. Four clubs with decent changing rooms. Or one golf club with a splendid clubhouse.
Decisions, decisions.
Of course, this isn’t just any golf club.
Albanese has long-standing ties to the club, having previously defended its 18-hole course and, reportedly, regularly walked his famous cavoodle, Toto, along its fairways before becoming Prime Minister and moving into Kirribilli House. He also retains a property just 200 metres from the golf course.
Reduce the course to nine holes and more land could become available for public recreation. More families, cyclists, children and, worst of all, dogs competing with Toto for the best grass.
One imagines Toto surveying the fairways like a tiny furry aristocrat, guarding his prime Marrickville real estate against ordinary taxpayers enjoying it.
And what better retirement for Albanese than a short stroll from his $3 million Marrickville property to a taxpayer-funded $6 million clubhouse, enjoying a few Albo Ales with Toto and his mate the local mayor, overlooking the lush fairways and river views?
Jokes aside, were the Prime Minister’s connections, property interest and past advocacy properly considered when the funding commitment was selected?
Albanese says he was unaware of his honorary membership and hasn’t visited the clubhouse for years. Yet archival footage shows him saying, ‘I’ve been coming here for decades and using this club.’
Perhaps Toto handled the relationship independently.
Then again, Mayor Byrne’s Senate appearance suggested remembering Marrickville’s finer details was no walk in the park.
Across his evidence, Byrne made 15 references to taking matters on notice, alongside repeated occasions when he could not recall, was unaware, or was unsure of particular details. For someone so passionate about preserving the golf course, there was an extraordinary amount left for another day. Perhaps the mayor was simply being cautious. Or perhaps he had developed a particularly stubborn case of ‘I’ll have to put that on notice’. The senators were left with plenty of homework, including who assembled the $570-million invitation list.
The Department of Infrastructure told the inquiry it had no role in identifying projects, selecting applicants or determining proposed funding amounts. So who did?
It’s like discovering MasterChef judges can inspect the dishes but have no say over who gets into the kitchen.
The Centre for Public Integrity found approximately 73 per cent of funding went to electorates notionally held by Labor. Forty-five electorates received nothing.
Perhaps Australia’s infrastructure problems mysteriously cluster in red electorates.
Meanwhile, in independent MP Helen Haines’ regional Victorian electorate, Rutherglen Golf Club has reportedly been battling asbestos, termites and damaged floors, without the luxury of a $6-million taxpayer-funded makeover. Haines challenged Albanese over the glaring disparity, describing the grants scheme as ‘pork-barrelling by design’.
Unlike Marrickville, Rutherglen couldn’t simply apply for the funding. Perhaps it needs a politically connected cavoodle.
Marrickville Golf Club previously received five smaller closed, non-competitive federal grants.
Other communities might consider taking notes.
Step one: identify a problem.
Step two: prepare a business case.
Step three: discover applications are invitation-only.
Step four: join Labor and show everyone you bleed red.
Step five: locate a politically influential dog.
Step six: hope Toto puts in a good word.
The government insists selected projects face merit and value-for-money assessments.
Wonderful. But assessing projects after selecting them doesn’t explain why others never got a chance.
Constitutional law expert Professor Anne Twomey has raised concerns about grants being used for partisan advantage, and ‘grey corruption’.
Albanese once accused the Morrison government of having ‘completely corrupted the granting process’ and called for allegations of rorted grants to be investigated by a federal anti-corruption commission.
Now, with $570 million being distributed through his own government’s invitation-only program, those demands for scrutiny are coming back to haunt him.
Surely the standards he demanded in opposition should apply equally in government. Who drew up the list? Who set the amounts? Who checked potential conflicts? And why was a Prime Minister-linked golf club worth $6.05 million when communities with urgent needs could not even apply?
The issue isn’t whether Toto deserves somewhere pleasant to walk.
It’s whether taxpayers deserve an explanation for why their money was allocated before anyone else got through the door.
Mind the potholes.
Toto’s clubhouse comes first.
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